Sunday, July 8, 2012

Forgiving Someone Who Has Hurt Us

I would like to share this thoughts with you guys today. Although it may be boring for some of you to read this as it is so long and 98378972872# of words but trust me , it is worth reading.

 Have you guys ever felt really angry at a person that you felt that they can probably just disappear from this world. Well , I'm sure everyone does.

Think of someone you've harbored anger and resentment toward for a long while,and whom you now want to forgive.If you don't feel ready to forgive yet, don't. Forgiveness comes in its own time and shouldn't be rushed.But when you are ready, one of the best ways to forgive someone is to recognize the causes and conditions leading to the person to act as they did. Our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are the product of innumerable interconnected factors, many of which are outside of our control. Understanding interconnectedness can therefore help facilitate the process of forgiveness.

1) When considering the person's harmful actions, see if you can identify any precipitating factors or events.Was the person feeling fear, confusion,lust,anger, or other powerful emotions? was the person having a stressful life experience,like financial insecurity or some other setback? What demos might this person have been dealing with?

2) Now considering why the person didn't stop themselves anyway. Clearly, the factors necessary to enable self-control (emotional maturity,empathy,ability to delay gratification,etc.) weren't present.Why not? Did the person have poor role models growing up, so that he or she never developed these skills?

3) If it comes down to the fact that this person was just plain mean or selfish------think about what could have created this personality type. Insecure attachment, social isolation, life history, genetically inherited traits?

4) Once you have a better understanding of the causes and conditions leading this person to act as he or she did, see if its a bit easier to let go of your anger and resentment. This was a limited, fallible human being, and humans sometimes act in ways they shouldn't. Can you forgive this person?

Doing so doesn't necessarily mean you should interact with this person again. It may not be wise. But by freeing yourself from the corrosive effects of anger and blame, you'll help create more peace and contentment in your own mind.

FYI : I don't think I'm in the position to forgive a person yet , but I trust one day , I'll let go. I'm tired holding on tons of anger in me. Forgiveness will come on its own time.